Oiling your own wheel is the need for the hour

Few days back, I was talking to a darling friend of mine. She has been my buddy since the last couple of years and we have tuned up better than Marconi’s radio. Without any sieve between us, we have shared each other’s life and moments in a very beautiful as well as supportive way! There has never been a time in our lives when we have not stood by each other.

In one liner, she is a darling to me.
On that day, we were discussing about our career goals. She is going through a phase where she wants her lover to appear for a particular exam, which she will also be appearing for. I asked her to encourage him to appear and do well for the exam, since both of their future will be dependent on that exam.

To my dismay, she said she is trying her best to convince him to do well in that particular exam, but on the other hand he is encouraging her to do well in the exam, rather than taking the onus on himself. It is when a thought struck me.

Why is it easy for people to expect from others but not from themselves?

We are stuck in this oasis where people keep burdening us with expectations. Whether in the form of parents, teachers, lovers or peer pressure, we are always tied down by expectations. The problem is we don’t want to take up the responsibility of our own actions. We are too unsure of our own success, so we can put the onus of the entire system to be successful, on the other wheel.

For every relationship, the system works in the form of a cart. Two people try to drag the relationship by making their moves, taking relevant steps and being jubilant enough to walk that extra mile.

In cases where only one of the partner is making serious efforts, crack start to appear in the relationships. It has been observed that cheating in relations is a big outcome which doesn’t occur once in a blue moon, but is a cumulative aggregation of lacuna in efforts to maintain the relationship.

For the guy, it is very easy to give up the responsibilities of the relationship and put the onus of expectations on his better half. How many times have we wondered the contribution made by a woman in a particular relationship? Even from ignoring our smallest fits of rage to arguments over biggest matters, all I have seen is women forgiving the guy so that the relationship could be given one more chance!

What doesn’t actually get me is the failure of guys to acknowledge the value of the woman he has, when he has her and later crib for her when she is gone! Right now, it is high time for the dudes out there to shift from building six-pack abs to building six-point rules for their relationships to sustain. Time has come to oil your own wheel and not throw the towel on your better half.


1. A simple ‘How was your day?’ will work wonders.
2. Taking her out on a dinner, movie night once in a week will be a great relief to her.
3. Keeping the jealousy in check and encouraging her to take bold decisions in her career is the best gift you can ever give her! A financially independent woman is a blessing! Trust me!
4. Helping her with the dishes and household chores won’t reduce your manhood.
5. Listen to her advice. Personally, I felt the advice of your better half is more realistic, practical and stands the test of time.
6. Remember her parent’s birthday, even if you forget hers.

Relationship Goals!

Lastly, I would like to end by saying; there is no perfect relationship in this world. Neither is my parent’s nor is yours. The beauty of every relationship is the effort both of us make to make it an idealistic one and this is what all the fun is about!

P.S: NEVER reject a gift from your girlfriend. The smile you have one your face when she hands it over to you, encourages her to go to work on Monday! Always accept it with a open hand!

P.P.S: A kiss on her forehead before she goes to work will refresh her more than the smell of the jasmine

She is not your ‘World Cup’

Back in 2012, when I had my first break up, it was evidently the most painful phase of my life, back then. To add salt to my wounds, she flew to Texas to complete her graduation and I was left behind in India to complete mine, following the Engineer -à MBA route. 2012 through 2014, is when I sobbed, grieved, became an estranged, disillusioned ex boyfriend and mailed her to take me back into her life. Until one day, I received a mail from her father to back off unless I want serious repercussions.

That is how I moved away from her life, but not away from her thoughts, though.

As time passed by, I came across many wonderful women. Many of which were OOL for me, hence I never dared to talk or make a conversation with them during my graduation. Eventually, I observed the couples around me. Just like the adage goes, they seemed happier to me and I seemed happier to them. I used to see them going to parties, dinners, malls together and making an effort to spend most of their times together.  During that time, even my best buddy was committed; hence I could see a committed boyfriend through his life and observed how much life changes for a person when he gets committed to someone.

Faces changed, phases changed and so did relationships. People were the same but they were either flocking alone or flocking with different people now. It was all within the span of couple of years. I used to wonder:

How could someone so easily forget whom they love so much? How is it that all the moments that they once shared are now dusted off and people get replaced so easily? What about their exes and what if they still love and admire each other? Why do people move on easily?

I used to spend days wondering on this since I wasted two years of my life literally clinging on to someone who took barely one week to move on from our relationship.

(I really have an alternative for this word! In a later post!)

One day, while I was thinking about this and sipping water from my coffee mug at the top of my terrace, I saw a flock of birds hovering across the sky. I wondered;

Where are they all going to? Why are they flocking together? How do they decide with whom they wish to fly? What about their homes, families and parents?

The flock of birds gave me the answer to my previous queries. I realized love was never about holding people back in your life, when they themselves don’t wish to stay any further.

The flock of birds, floating across, has left their kith and kin. No matter how much they were tied to the knot, they had to leave for a greater purpose, a greater good!

When two people are in love, they spend the most beautiful times of their lives together. Exclusive yet long-lasting memories! Nobody wants to end any relationship, but, sometimes it is just not meant to last forever.

Even Chelsea did not stay with Charlie forever!

But, that never stopped Charlie from caring about Chelz. Neither the other way around! To be put in a fair way, two people when love each other actually want them to be happy! Even after separation, each other’s happiness remains the concern! Holding back old memories and holding back grudges only harm us, sometimes, the both of us!

Seeing someone whom you have loved and shared excellent memories with, having a beautiful life, even though you are not with her, is the final redemption for you!

In some parallel universe, you are still trying to get her back! I never discourage doing that, but never at the risk of losing the love and the respect that you shared for each other. Overdoing it results in grief, sorrow, bitterness and undoing every good memory you shared.

Let us never forget, the woman you love, you will continue to love her, forever. You just have to learn to love her from afar! Don’t treat her like World Cup, treat her like your World!

And, who doesn’t want a happy world?!

It is not a race or a competition where she is the prize up for grabs! It is smooth sailing adventure, where both of you are kept alone amidst the huge ocean, through crests and troughs of the dancing waves, the universe asking both of you to make an effort and love each other during the duration of togetherness – RelationSHIP!

A little ‘Hi’ can work wonders!

Many a times, I have noticed within myself, as well as with others around me, that we don’t initiate a conversation with the person we like or admire. We have a typical inferiority when it comes to matters of heart and love. We may be having stellar academic backgrounds, excellent communication skills, the most awarded employee of the month or even the fattest pay checks, but when it comes to matters of love, we, by we – I specially mean “Men with low self-confidence”, generally walk away.



I still remember an incident where I cleared one of the MBA colleges, which is among the top 10 colleges for MBA. I was a member of the whatsapp group which was formed during the Pre-Induction days to help all the students out. Me, along with one of my friends became the “Unofficial Helpline” of for the students of our batch. I remember, I replied to almost any query up in the group, so that people don’t face any problem.

Being the digital curious cat I was, I stuck across the profile of this girl, who was supposedly to join the same college. Her name rhymed more with the name of a homeopathic medicine “Arnica.” She was way more beautiful and maybe a few inches taller than me! Owing to my scoliosis, 152 was the best I could be, making me shorter than almost any girl around me!

I sort of realized, she was out of my league. Great beauty, awesome personality, perfect height! She had everything a fairy has! Hence, I decided to stay away from her, as even trying for her would leave me despondent. There were times, when she asked the queries, but I refrained from answering it. Subliminally, I construed that since she is far better than me, and by far I mean, I had to be born five times to be as good as she is in her current birth - making her out of my league (OOL), I should not talk or stay connected with her. It was more of a precaution from my side to not get my heart broken.

Eventually, due to various uncontrollable reasons, I had to change my college. I literally never joined the Ivy League college rather settled for something of similar sorts.

(We will come to that someday later!)

What happened? Life moved on! I continued in my new college and She- in her old. I never got somehow attached to anyone as much as I wanted her. Maybe, the game of the forbidden fruit mesmerized my life! She never actually came to know that I liked her! I never actually came to know, how she really was, in person! Hence, both of us remained perpetual strangers. 

Let me take you to a parallel universe, where I made an effort from myself and actually texted her; read as DM-ed her.

1. We could have known each other better, given each other a heads up.
2. We could have stayed connected even though our colleges were different.
3. We could have adjusted our summer internships in the same city so that we can at least meet each other once to know if we are good for each other.
4. We could have become good friends and if luck permitted awesome lovers.

But, all these could haves never actually materialized. It was because I lacked the confidence to say a simple “Hi” to her. Why?

It was because I presumed my height or my complexion would have driven her away from me!

But, the question is how I would even know that, if I don’t take a step forward!

So, my dear readers, I would say, if you like someone, admire someone, (wo)man up, make a move and just say

“Hi, How are you? Would you like to have a chat over a cup of coffee?”
You never know! You will either get a Thumbs up or a Thumbs down! At least, you won’t get 

regrets!

Cheers!